Tired of Being What You Want Me to Be
by Wolf of the Frozen Flame
Summary: A songfic about Touya's relationship with his former Master. Song: Numb by Linkin Park (LOVE LINKIN PARK!) Read and review please!


Disclaimer: I don't own YYH, Linkin Park, Touya, or Numb. Rysta is my own character.  
  
This is a song fic about Touya's past, the relationship between him and his Master. I decided to do it to Numb because I love that song and it sort of describes the relationship between any teacher and student. This is really my first song fic, if you don't include revisions of songs. (Lifestyle of a Demon Named Hiei is my first, a revision of Lifestyles of the Rich and the Famous) I hope you like it.  
…………………  
  
I'm Touya. The Master of Ice. That's what I was expected to be. My Master, Rysta, chose me to be her apprentice. She taught me everything I know. She pushed me to the extreme and farther. But what if I didn't want that?  
  
_-I'm tired of being what you want me to be-_  
  
Rysta, my Master. I both hated her and loved her.  
  
_-Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface-_  
  
I put on an act every day, pretended I didn't care, but really I did.  
  
_-I don't know what you're expecting of me-_  
  
Why did she want so much from me? She pushed me to the limit each and every day.  
  
_-Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes-_  
  
She wanted me to follow in her footsteps, wanted so much for me to be greater than her.  
  
_-Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow-_  
  
I complied.  
  
_-Every step that I take is another mistake to you-  
_  
But nothing was even good enough for her. Everything I did, she wanted it done better.  
  
_-Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow-_  
  
I tried to please her.  
  
_-I've become so numb, I can't feel you there-_  
  
I became turned off to the world, my only purpose in life was to do what I was told.  
  
_-Become so tired, so much more aware-_  
  
I was exhausted, but still I kept going.  
  
_-I'm becoming this, all I want to do-  
_  
I slowly shaped myself into what she wanted.  
  
_-Is be more like me, and be less like you-_  
  
I wanted to be myself, not a clone of her. But that's what she wanted, and I strived to give it to her.  
  
_-Can't you see that you're smothering me-_  
  
She worked me long and hard.  
  
_-Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control-_  
  
She was afraid of losing me, her student. She wanted me to do everything she could, even better.  
  
_-Cause everything that you thought I would be-  
_  
Everything she was...  
  
_-Has fallen apart right in front of you-_  
  
...I could never be.  
  
_-Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow-_  
  
But still I tried.  
  
_-Every step that I take is another mistake to you-_  
  
Still it wasn't enough for her.  
  
_-Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow-_  
  
I wanted so much to do as she asked.  
  
_-And every second I waste is more than I can take-_  
  
Every second of every minute of every hour of every day, I strained myself, but I knew soon I would break.  
  
_-I've become so numb, I can't feel you there-_  
  
My feelings were numbed by the coldness of her words.  
  
_-Become so tired, so much more aware-_  
  
I exhausted myself day and night.  
  
_-I'm becoming this, all I want to do-_  
  
I tried to be something I could never be.  
  
_-Is be more like me, and be less like you-_  
  
I couldn't live up to her standards. I just had to be the best I could be, nothing more.  
  
_-And I know I may end up failing too-_  
  
I came to terms with the fact that it was a battle I could not win.  
  
_-But I know you were just like me with someone disappointed in you-_  
  
Then I realized that once she had been the apprentice with a Master pushing her. I realized she only wanted what was best for me. She wanted to live on through me, just like her Master lived on through her.  
  
_-I've become so numb, I can't feel you there-_  
  
I finally voiced my feelings.  
  
_-Become so tired, so much more aware-  
_  
She listened.  
  
_-I'm becoming this, all I want to do-_  
  
I told her that I just had to be myself.  
  
_-Is be more like me and be less like, I've become so numb-_  
  
She knew exactly how I felt.  
  
_-I can't feel you there, I'm tired of being what you want me to be-_  
  
She said that had been my final test. She told me that the time had come for me to choose my own path.  
  
_-I've become so numb, I can't feel you there-_  
  
She told me to battle her to the death. With tears in my eyes, I did.  
  
_-I'm tired of being what you want me to be-_  
  
And I won.  
……………………

I hope you liked it!! Please tell me what you think!!


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